Lordofduct's clean out!
Racketboy: No problem, take your time
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Actually you see I was out doing my regular sheep pimpin' job and walking my dog Pepè down the street yesterday; wearing my brand new monkey pants. I purchased them at the moonwalker bizarre over on 5th street! They are made from all synthetic hair (don't want to be hurting the animals you know) but they soooo feel like the real thing. Only problem is that Pepè seems to be attracted to my pants and is humping my leg and refuses to stop.
Amidst my smackin' Pepè on the nose and shaking my leg about while still walking down the street (I was in a rush, had to get to the Farmer's market pronto!); a line of children come out from an alley holding sticks and knives.
"Hey queen!" what seemed to be the leader of the gang of minors piped at me. "Give us your monkey pants."
"Shouldn't we be in school young lad?" I asked in return.
"What, your like 30 or something... you don't go to school! What ya a pedo or something?"
"No no no, it is a colloquialism. I mean shouldn't YOU be in school!"
"Don't throw that colloquialism crap at me you pompous twit" oh the irony, "just say what you mean! Anyways give us da pants bitch!" He thrusts the knife my direction as the other kids hop up and down eggin' the situation on.
"But, but then I'd only be in my thong!"
"THONG! Ew, that is gross... I don't need to see some grown man in a thong! Weirdo, I guess this Ape we have in the alley who has no fur is gonna have to go without."
"Wait, your saying there is a hairless ape in need of monkey pants!? Well, in that case OF COURSE I'll give you my pants."
"Ermm, no buddy, we don't need em' keep your monkey pants." I refused to give in to the little man's pleeds of not seeing my thong and proceeded to remove my monkey pants. Just then a Pron star was driving by and saw my FANTASTIC taste in satin thongs and slammed his breaks.
As he jumped from his vehicle he complemented me, "My my, look at the package on that boy! Hi the names Jèun LèSchlong." He reached out his hand to shake mine. As I reached he breezed past and shook my dong.
And that is how I got VD.
Oh wait, yeah I found 1700 dollars in a bag on my way to the doctor to get my shots.